After an abrupt and somewhat mysterious trip to Cyprus, Newt Gingrich has officially exited the 2012 presidential election. How come? Certainly not to spend more time with his famil(ies). Rather, it’s to focus energies on his latest venture, the “Reinvigoration of American Culture” public-charter school, set to open in New Orleans nine months after election day. The RAC school will engage in daily classroom prayer (nondenominational, of course—until those hippie liberals get out of the White House) to teach children a moral code. It will also utilize a unique school-work program that requires students to serve as the building’s janitors, cafeteria workers, hall monitors, and PE teachers (because, really, what skill that an eighth grader lacks does it take to lead a game of badminton?). The promised benefits of Newt’s new venture are threefold: Teach these lazy kids some freakin’ work ethic, stockpile some conservative bona-fides, and test-drive his education agenda on real-live lab rats—er, scholars. But a word of caution, Newt. Just opening a charter school won’t make you a shoe-in for the White House in 2016. Michele Bachmann can tell you a little something about that.

Gingrich puts his money where his mouth is,” by Same Dylan, Newark Times, March 29, 2012.

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