The phrase “gateway drug” took on new meaning last week, as California became the first state to officially apply for a waiver from the federal mandate that school grounds all be “safe and drug free” zones. After further investigation, the Gladfly discovered that hundreds of school districts across the state are keen to open in-school cannabis dispensaries as a fundraising strategy. One So-Cal principal, who helped draft the state’s waiver application, agreed to talk with us so long as we didn’t use his “government name” in our publication. “Listen, man, we’re just livin’ here. L-i-v-i-n’. No need to ask so many questions.” He hopes to reverse his school’s shrinking budget by making a nostalgia-infused pitch to medicinal-marijuana cardholders throughout the state: “It’ll be just like high school again. But legal. And you won’t have to play dodgeball in gym class or dissect worms. Ya brah, get at this.” Thus far, the U.S. Department of Education has only released a short statement in response:
Leave it to California…Whatever our final decision, remember that we certainly have the ability to award such a waiver should we choose to and we definitely don’t need Congress’s permission. Nah nah nah nah nah nah.