The following is a real-life excerpt from a standardized assessment that Ohio plans to put to K–2 kids—and the only piece of this Gladfly that is 100 percent true.


1.   When you hop, it means that you start on one foot and land on the same foot.
2.   When you run fast, your hands should come across the center of your body.
3.   When you slide, you keep the same lead foot as you move sideways.
4.   When you skip, you step and hop on one foot and then with the other foot.
5.   When you jump, you should bend your knees as if you are sitting in a chair.
6.   When dribbling a basketball, you should always be looking at the ball.
7.   When rolling a ball, you should release the ball at the bottom of your forward swing.
8.   You should use your toes to kick a soccer ball if you want to kick it hard.
9.   For a good overhand throw, you should bend the elbow in the shape of an “L” behind the head before throwing.
10.   When you roll or toss a ball underhand, you step forward with the same foot as your tossing arm.
11.   When throwing to a target, you should follow through toward the target after letting go of the ball.
12.   When catching a ball at head height, point your fingers upwards.

No joke.

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